Babies

It seems quite a few of my friends are having babies lately.  As I see their precious photos on Facebook, I just can't help but miss the days of when mine were so little.   And then, the harsh reality of Olivia's whole newborn life, even her pregnancy gives me a stabbing feeling in my heart.   I can only imagine what it felt like to be her.  To not be able to breathe, to not be able to eat, to be put under the countless tests she was.  I know what it felt like to be me.  An emotional pain so strong I still feel it when I think of it.   I can't even fathom what it felt like to be her.  So, sometimes, when I just want to sit and relax, and Olivia just wants to climb all over me, and hug me, and kiss me and say "love you",  I remember that I'm lucky Olivia is even here.  I remember that she is SO attached to me because I was the one constant in her life throughout her traumatic experiences.

Over the past few weeks, there have been some signs that Olivia isn't doing so great with the thinned out drinks.  As a matter of fact, she kept stealing drinks from Christian and Julia yesterday and last night her breathing sounded awful.  :(.    Just a little overwhelming.  I had these high expectations that by September she would be "all fixed".   Unfortunately it's October and we aren't even close.  Seems to me we may have even stepped backwards a bit.    In all the research I've done, I've read some cases where the cleft needs to be repaired TWICE for the procedure to work.  I can't even explain how much I hope this DOES not happen.

Next week we visit the feeding team at Children's.  Hopefully they can provide some insight on what it's going to take to get Olivia better.  Here's to positive thinking!