Three weeks from today, all will be said and done as far as Olivia's laryngeal cleft repair. We have had this surgery date since February, but now, as it approaches, and becomes more real, I'm starting to get nervous. Yes, I know she is in the best hands, yes, I know she has overcome so much in the past year of her life, and yes I know this is going to hopefully fix her for good, but quite honestly, I'm terrified. People continuously say she will be "fine". As I have said before, no one really can say with certainty she will be fine. She is having surgery on her windpipe,which is most obviously vital to LIVE. She will be under anesthesia for the THIRD time in her life. She will be under for THREE hours. She will be admitted to intensive care following the surgery to monitor her breathing. Her doctors initially did not recommend this procedure because its is SUCH a big deal they wanted to be 100% sure it was worth the risk. Tell me any of that isn't terrifying? I am literally sick to my stomach thinking about it.
However, if there was ever a go-to guy for this surgery it's her surgeon. When you google his name all you find is AMAZING stories on him. The man is a genius. http://specialists.childrenshospital.org/directory/profile.asp?dbase=main&setsize=5&last=rahbar&pict_id=9904160. And while yes, I truly believe I have the very best surgeon in the world working on my sweet baby girl, I know things can go wrong, not often, but they can. My daughters life will be in this man's hands while I sit in a room waiting, helpless. As most people know, I'm the tiger mom, protecting my kids regardless of the consequences and being fierce while I'm at it. What happens to the tiger mom who can't do a single thing but wait, and hope and pray? Well, she goes a little crazy.
I've come to the realization Olivia was given to ME because I was meant to care for her. Only a strong person could do this. Being Olivia's mother has made me a better person. I know, cliche at best, but it's true. I have come to be far less judgemental of others, for you never know what type of battle they may be facing inside. I have learned the people who care about you will always be there no matter what. My friends and husbands family have been by my side every step of the way. I receive emails from people I have not seen since high school asking how Olivia is. More than I can say about my own family. I can't even say how much each email, text, phone call, facebook message or comment means to me. It truly amazes me and honestly helps me get through this. You do not know the pain a sick child brings until you actually live it yourself. I was truly lucky that Christian and Julia had absolutely NO health issues. I just never realized how lucky until Olivia was born. I cannot even explain the heartbreak I feel when she wants to drink a juice box, or anything else her brother and sister have. Such a basic thing, drinking liquids, and she can't do it. Only one in 20,000 babies has this condition. I don't know why she was chosen for this, but I do know she is just like her mama, and she will get through this, just like everything else.
